The reason for the Capitals isnt because I’m shouting it’s because it’s such an important date and I want to highlight it and get your attention!!
The date- I had my SMEAR TEST!
Let’s talk about that shall we, I was nervous, embarrassed & Uncomfortable but you know what I am so glad I got my act together made that appointment for 12pm , i went to my appointment, lay on that bed and got the 2 minute procedure done! The nurse was amazing she was as gental as she could be while she was being as thorough as possible!
I get it ladies, I get all the feelings and all the paranoia that goes through your head leading up to that moment of getting your smear test done or The paranoia of how bad the procedure is gonna be that you just can’t book it!!
I promise you I have had those exact same thoughts and feelings, I make it bigger in my head than what it actually is! I promise you the nurse has seen thousands of Vagina’s she doesnt care if your waxed, if your hairy , your bare, clean shaven or have an afro down there she cares that you have plucked up the courage to go and get the 2 minute test done! I test that could potentially save your life!
I would rather be uncomfortable, nervous and Anxious for 10 Minutes (the Smear itself is 2 minutes if not less/the appointment as a whole was 10 minutes) than finding out I had Cervical Cancer!
Please!! Please Ladies find that strength in you, be brave and book that appointment when your letter comes through the post, Please Go to that appointment! Put your big girl pants on chin up push your fears aside March in that room and have that test done!! I know you can do it!! You got this!!
Not to sound brutal but if you get Cervical Cancer the last thing you will be worrying about is how clean or shaved your Vagina area is!! Dont let your head scare you! YOU CAN DO IT!!
Today we went to a farm park, and it was amazing! The kids loved every minute of it!! BUT this item above (in the photo) is a item I hate!!!! I’m pretty sure most mums will agree with me on that one! It seems the mums all sitting around the outside watching while there kids jump agree with me and have the same problem!!
I watch young women bouncing away having fun, doing all sorts of jump poses in the air, bouncing for a while! When it comes to me, One bounce and I’m off! So just incase you dont know what im talking about or why I hate this item so much, let me say it in 3 easy words…..
I have Kids!!!
Yup! That is it! I have kids! I also didnt take the Midwifes advice on pelvic floor exercises seriously, so like I said one bounce and I’m off!!!
Just to make my rambling easy to follow I pee myself at the slightest jump, I could have just gone to the toilet and emptied my bladder… That doesn’t matter ! I can cross my legs and make myself look so stupid it doeant matter I will still pee myself!
When I got my 1st positive Pregnancy test in 2007 I grieved and mourned for trampolines, Jump pillows, play wrestling, certain Exercise classes, dancing, being tickled , running and oh my goodness sneezing!!
Surely I’m not the only mum???
R.I.P my pelvic Floor Muscles!!
Here’s to Granny Pants, incontinence Pads, and Spending money on the Tena Lady Brand ….
You know when I had my 2nd Kid (he was 6) I decided to join a clubercise class with my friend, I was so excited old skool dance tunes, glow sticks and dance exercise! Fun right!! Hell no it wasnt! The music was great, the glow sticks were awesome , the ladies and the instructor were fantastic the problem was my vagina and my bladder!!! That’s right I full blown peeded , I literally went to the toilet 3 minutes before the class started!! So not only did I stand about loads at the class and pretend i was tired ( I wasnt I just pist myself) i got home sweating , red faced , out of breath and wreaking of pee!
I didnt let that stop me, no no I went back the following week armed with 2 thick maternity pads and my last drink was 4 hours before the class started!! Great right! No I pee’d again! One fooking slide to the left and jump up high ruined it!!! 10 minutes into the bloody class! C’mon!!!!
Again i got home sweating , red faced , out of breath and wreaking of pee! Yup! I quit the class!
Surely I’m not the only mum out there????
Here’s to us Mums who pee themselves via jumping, walking or Sneezing!
So here I am on my phone drinking my ice cold juice because thanks to my moody teenager I had to walk Daisy. I am soaking of sweat its really muggy out on off light rain, cloudy but hot! Pretty sure theres a pool of sweat in my bra too!
So I’m sat drinking to cool down and heres my beautiful little 4 year old sneezing on me ! Great! Bloody great! Pretty sure snot landed on my cheek!
Anyways deeps breaths…. so the reason I have jumped on the blogging bandwagon is because if you have read my previous blogs you will know I had a Misscarriage as 13 weeks, now as hurrendous as that was to add salt to the wounds i had to deliver my little sleeping baby in a healthy Labour Ward! Yeah I did say that, you can stop re-reading it, you read that right first time!! So months later I started my petition, a petition to get dedicated Miscarriage Units in Maternity Hospitals!
I’m on twitter, fb, Instagram so why not Try blogging! For only being 11 months (my Campaign) I’ve done so well! But not well enough that the Government have put plans in to start the work! But you know I’m getting there!
What I didnt realise is that I’d love
writing & I also like the fact I can write down my feelings and emotions, hopefully showing mums out there that there not alone! I feel like blogging gives me a platform like a Diary! I havent been blogging long as you can probably tell by my writing skills and Grammer problems but to heck with it I’m loving this! I’m a stay at home mum of 3 boys with a Furbaby and a husband I can write tell my wee hearts content!
Yeah I laughed as i wrote that sentence aswell! I can write till my hearts content I have a 4 year old darting me with a nerf gun while my fur baby is trying it’s best to lick the sweat off me! *Boak* all whilst my other too are wrestling on the trampoline and choke slamming each other!
And just like that my boys are on 5 weeks holiday from School! ( they have already had 1 week -they get 6 in total) To make it clear that’s 24/7 for 6 weeks!!! 3 kids- There Boys! 13,10&4!!
I mean I always cope, I always survive but this time its different, I feel like they have only just went back to school from there 19 months off of school because of Corona!
The fights, the bickering, the tantrums, the lack of respect, the only eating junk food, the lack of routine, trying to get them to bed, heck even trying to get them away from there Consoles!! The one I’m most famous for is giving in so I just get a little bit of peace and quiet!
I’m beyond the counting to 10! I’m beyond deep breathes ! I’m beyond sitting on my toilet and having my own time out! Has it been 5 weeks yet!!
I’m tired, I’m moody, I’m deflated, pjs are my best friend and dont even get me started on a Mum Bun!!!! Gosh I’m pretty sure I’m due my period as well! Look out boys!!!
Tell me in not the only mum feeling this way with the Summer Holidays!!
I mean it’s not like I can take them out every single day!! Who the heck can afford that!!
Having a teenager is a fight in itself with trying to get this dude out of his room, or gosh take a bowl hes left in his room for 3 days to the sink! Dont even get me started on trying to get him in the shower! Did I say Im beyond counting to 10!!
Through all of my rambling did I mention I’m not even a coffee drinker! Drinking during the day is frowned upon right?? Though to be fair my 10am is someone in another countries 5pm? That works right!
As I write this at 10.03pm thinking I’m done for the day..my 4 year old has woken up and shouting he needs a pee! I guess after that its bedtime for me before I have to do it all over again!
Mums we can do this! We can boss the Summer Holidays! Mum’s hell we are SUPERWOMEN!!
It is so true what they say, “a dog is truly a mans best friend”
Daisy you will never truly understand the pure Joy you bring to me! You have no idea how many times you have saved my life, when I had my miscarriage i didnt want to be around my Other children or my husband! But my goodness did Daisy help heal my heart, and she doesnt even know it!
The only time I left the house during my heartache was because of Daisy, I have met new friends because of Daisy, and I have smiled because of Daisy!
It’s funny because I randomly chose Her, one day I just searched puppies, I searched females purely because I will never have a baby girl (mum of boys) I paid the deposit before seeing her, we live Scotland the puppies were England& I didnt care I just wanted one! I just wanted a baby! A baby girl!!
I paid the deposit before even telling my husband or talking to him about getting a dog! I just wanted a baby and I wanted that baby now!!!
I do not know about the pomeranian/German spritz breed I didnt care about it I just wanted a Baby!
I made my husband drive from Scotland to Leeds – 4 hours for my Fur baby! I didn’t care what my boys wanted and I certainly didnt care babe my husband wanted, I wanted that baby!!
And oh my goodness what a impulsive buy she was, I totally fell in love with her, my heart melted and for that 1 hour of meeting her for the first time I didnt think of the Miscarriage, infact I didnt think of the Miscarriage and Labour ward For months! I had my baby!
She truly has brought so much joy to our family, no shes not a human baby she will never compare, shes a puppy/dog but shes helping my family heal every day!
When I’m having a bad day of reliving that day at the scan or my day in Labour , she just comes up to me and gives my nose a little lick& lies on me! And she will not move!
I truly hope she knows how much we love her, adore her and need her!
The details I missed out of my story! Let’s rewind right back to the hospital and the 1st meeting I had telling me I was too deliver my 13 week baby in the Labour ward!
I had such a lovely doctor but she told me……
1)I would be wheeled right into the labour ward -I did not want this! 2)I would be greeted at the door to get me right in! 3)Promised no women would be In the ward as Fridays are quiet! 4) No waiting time between entry and my room! 5) I would have my own Personal Midwife from entering the Labour Ward to Leaving the Labour Ward!
1) I was not wheeled to labour ward, I never even seen a wheelchair at the hospital. 2)I was Not greeted at the door to be let straight in! 3) We are not daft – babies decide when they come into the world! I get what she was trying to do! But what Bullshit to tell someone! 4) I waited 2 mins at the Midwife Station before getting showed to my room! 5) I did Not meet my midwife for 1hr and 30mins after I entered the room, she spent more time with I think a woman in labour.
I did not want a wheelchair& I certainly would never have used it! I waited nearly 3 minutes at the Labour Ward Door before getting let inside! No!!! Not by the Midwifes (from me buzzing buzzing and buzzing to get in) but by an extremely happy dad!! Yup! I said that right! Once inside all the midwifes where hanging around the station!
As we approached the station some of the midwifes looked at us and then started talking again! My husband had to ask for help! None of them new we were coming! Finally I got taken up to the very back room! And I was Warned if I hear bang doors , it’s only the doors to the Surgery room!
I was absolutely petrified of what was going to happen to me, (as stated before as soon as I was told “deliver in the Labour ward” I heard nothing else!) I didnt know what was going to happen, how long I was going to be there, how long the process was going to take, When the process was going to start! So to be left for 1 hr and 30mins nervous, anxious and terrified So to have to wait on our own was awful to me!
Finally we met the midwife, talked procedure, told her I was scared! Procedure begins! NOW since I’m no secrets I’m gonna tell you one that’s not out there! I asked the midwife “now what” her reply right now actually disgusts me back at the time I thought nothing of it! “What now” her reply ” just pull your trousers up and go for a walk, you can go to the canteen, Walk around the hospital ”
Yeah she did go there! I waited 3 mins at the labour ward door not for a midwife to let me in but a very happy dad, in what planet did I want to torture myself with walking up and down the corridor or up and down the Maternity unit!!
Instead I hid under my sheet while laying flat on the bed! Waiting for Labour to begin!
Trigger Warning! (Miscarriage Mentioned in detail)
I will never for get the happiness of seeing that positive faint little on my wee cheapie pound shop test! EEP! baby number 4! we were even more thrilled t0 learn the baby would be born around about my husband birthday and May4th (the due date) of course to make fate even better my sons and husband are massive starwars fans!
The reason I told my older boys was because of how sick and bed bound i became from the get go! I had 2 previous back to back miscarriages before i had my little rainbow baby Noah! ( his name – after the storm comes the rainbow) so we booked an early scan! we saw the little bean and we were over the moon! my boys were super happy especially by the date!
I will never forget the morning I went for my 12 week Scan (Baby was 13 weeks) is it bad to say that i new my little one had past way! How did i know?? I used a doppler that i had purchased the whole day before and i couldn’t find the heartbeat!
so off we went for my scan first thing in the morning! And of course i heard the dreaded words “im so sorry I don’t see a heartbeat” My heart sank and i felt sick. My husband was an emotional wreck! Now i didn’t cry at all, i simply said “ok now what” had i made peace with it the day before, had i already excepted the baby had past away or was something wrong me me because i didn’t burst out cry and was in a hysterical state!
We were moved to a little room, were just outside the door was a pregnant women with her beautiful bump! While in this room we made our decision on the next step. NOW im not going to get into the debate of the different procedures and the choice WE made!
Gosh that walk to the car to go home and wait for my appointment time at the hospital was torture for sure! I went straight to my bed and stayed there till my husband got the call “can Louise come to the hospital at 2.30 this afternoon so we can begin procedure”
You know its funny i cant even remember being in my friends house dropping off my little one before we went to the hospital! I can even remember talking to her!
so not to babble on and on and make this into a book!! I went to early pregnancy unit which was awful as me who had lost my baby (only a few hours ago) and a women with massive bump stood waiting at the door ! Just Terrific Exactly what i needed!! Of course we both sat together waiting for our names to be called!
Finally I was called into the room! Were we waited and waited and waited to be seen! we talked, we waited and waited and then We went over the paper work! And then the moment i never in my wildest dreams seen coming “You have to deliver in the Labour ward” -Complete and utter body shut down! the rest of the of the appointment well you would have to ask my husband as i have no idea! I was traumatized! I have a fear of needles, im an absolute nightmare when it comes to needles and i cannot even remember getting my bloods taken! That was the Wednesday!!
Lets Fast Forward again
The dreaded day Friday arrives! The day i was going into the labour ward to deliver my little sleeping baby! (Just great im greeting writing this already)
I went into the labour ward 10am we started the procedure about 11.45am and i waited!Im not going to Traumatize anyone by going into details of the actual procedure and the birth! That’s not what this entry is about ! But in the next Blog i will divulge more, i just wanna ease you lot in!!
I left the Labour ward about 6pm i think! and went home to my sons! It was all over ! I was in pieces, My husband was in bits, we didn’t talk on that drive home, its funny because i did make him phone me a Chinese and i ordered everything as from 4 to 13 weeks i was spewing my guts up everyday, all day long, I was bloody starving!!
I couldn’t even look at my 3 little boys! I ate my dinner in bed crying and i stayed there.. Thankfully my husband took the week off work. We grieved together, we talked, we got on with life! My boys had school, we had a dog to walk, we had to feed the boys, do there homework with them etc etc…
Now last Fast Forward I promise!! A year later i decided to start a petition to get dedicated Miscarriage units in Hospitals. YUP! I did!! My petition has now been going 11 Months!
Thanks for reading ! I hope you stayed and read to the end and weren’t bored, or more importantly triggered! I would never want that! Im here to support you and Listen to you!
My name is Louise, Lou will do! 38 years old! I am a mum to 3 boys (13, 10 and 4) I have been married 11 years , together 14 years! My husband is Craig and also to be fair pretty much my 4th Child! Im sure lots of you Married women can agree! How i have survived 14 years i do not know!! *Hint Hint* Alcohol! I also have a fur baby Daisy who is a pain in the arse ( ;-p )Pomeranian! I love her really!
I am a stay at home from Scotland, Glasgow!
I have never done a blog before, one thing you will come to realise is i type as if im talking to you in person even though im typing!
First of all I opened this account in 2019 after I had my miscarriage but I couldnt write anything! Forgot about it and now June 5th 2021 heres my first blog!!
In 2007 I had my 1st Child! I was 24 Now my son is Currently 13! It seems like just yesterday I peed on the pregnancy test, the best of it Is me and at the time boyfriend (husband now of 11 years) had only been together 5 Months! Yeah I know crazy right??
It’s sad because with bringing a new baby into the world its supposed to bring families Together and Stronger!
Not mine, to say my folks were raging is an understatement, let’s just say I moved out and I havent spoke with them in 14 years. They didn’t agree with the baby, they hated my boyfriend/husband now, and I wanted my baby more than anything! I also wanted Craig (bf/husband)
I will never forget the day my dad came over, Cody (my son) was only weeks old& told me they wanted nothing more to do with me! Believe it or not this all happened when Craig was in a shower! Quick right!
I couldnt cope, I couldn’t function and I couldnt understand what and how this happened! I ended up with depression! My poor baby Cody never left the house, we were always on pyjamas, I never played with him! You best believe to this day I’m still riddled with guilt and hate myself for that!
I never had support, I never had a shoulder to cry on, craig worked every single hour of every day. I felt so alone, So traumatized, angry at myself and so mad at everyone.
There is absolutely no point in going into all the detail, as that is not going to benefit anyone especially me! It’s taking me 10+ years to get over it and fully move on from my parents! It doesnt haunt me anymore so I’m not going to stir up the past! I will never forgive them!
In 2009 me and Craig got married! We got married June 18th! And believe it or not our honeymoon baby was conceived! Baby Aaron born in 2011!
I will never forget that day we went to the 20 week scan! As happy as i was (I’m not ashamed to say this) I had gender disappointment!
For weeks and weeks leading up to the 20 week scan everyone told me it was a girl. I had pretty much convinced myself! Thankfully that disappointed only lasted half a day!
In 2015 I had back to back Miscarriages! I was 8 weeks and 6 weeks!
2016 we went to America for 3 weeks and had a baby scan in Universal studios! It’s a boy!! Now this time I didnt have gender disappointment (even though people kept going on and on about a little girl) After the Miscarriage I didnt care the sex of the baby I just wanted the baby!
In 2017 my Rainbow Baby Noah was born! We are not religious! So why is name! When I first heard the term ‘Rainbow Baby’ I started Googling and came across Rainbow Baby Names! Well
Noah:- After the storm comes the Rainbow! Yesssss!!!
In 2019 I fell pregnant with baby number 4! I will never forget my 12 week scan, my baby had past at 13 weeks! I think it was a girl, I think all 3 miscarriages have been girls!
May 2021 my little one should have turned 1!
Now my Journey takes a massive Turn!!
Let’s start the Blogs!!!!
“Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter”. — Izaak Walton