My Story!

Trigger Warning! (Miscarriage Mentioned in detail)

I will never for get the happiness of seeing that positive faint little on my wee cheapie pound shop test! EEP! baby number 4! we were even more thrilled t0 learn the baby would be born around about my husband birthday and May4th (the due date) of course to make fate even better my sons and husband are massive starwars fans! 

The reason I told my older boys was because of how sick and bed bound i became from the get go!  I had 2 previous back to back miscarriages before i had my little rainbow baby Noah! ( his name – after the storm comes the rainbow)  so we booked an early scan! we saw the little bean and we were over the moon! my boys were super happy especially by the date! 

FastForward

I will never forget the morning I went for my 12 week Scan (Baby was 13 weeks) is it bad to say that i new my little one had past way!  How did i know?? I used a doppler that i had purchased the whole day before and i couldn’t find the heartbeat!

so off we went for my scan first thing in the morning! And of course i heard the dreaded words “im so sorry I don’t see a heartbeat” My heart sank and i felt sick. My husband was an emotional wreck! Now i didn’t cry at all, i simply said “ok now what” had i made peace with it the day before, had i already excepted the baby had past away or was something wrong  me me because i didn’t burst out cry and was in a hysterical state!

We were moved to a little room, were just outside the door was a pregnant women with her beautiful bump! While in this room we made our decision on the next step. NOW im not going to get into the debate of the different procedures and the choice WE made!

Gosh that walk to the car to go home and wait for my appointment time at the hospital was torture for sure!  I went straight to my bed and stayed there till my husband got the call “can Louise come to the hospital at 2.30 this afternoon so we can begin procedure”

You know its funny i cant even remember being in my friends house dropping off my little one before we went to the hospital!  I can even remember talking to her!

so not to babble on and on and make this into a book!! I went to early pregnancy unit which was awful as me who had lost my baby (only a few hours ago)  and a women with massive bump stood waiting at the door ! Just Terrific Exactly what i needed!!   Of course we both sat together waiting for our names to be called!

Finally I was called into the room! Were we waited and waited and waited to be seen! we talked, we waited and waited and then We went over the paper work! And then the moment i never in my wildest dreams seen coming “You have to deliver in the Labour ward” -Complete and utter body shut down! the rest of the of the appointment well you would have to ask my husband as i have no idea! I was traumatized! I have a fear of needles, im an absolute nightmare when it comes to needles and i cannot even remember getting my bloods taken!  That was the Wednesday!!

Lets Fast Forward again

The dreaded day Friday arrives! The day i was going into the labour ward to deliver my little sleeping baby! (Just great im greeting writing this already)

I went into the labour ward 10am we started the procedure about 11.45am  and i waited!Im not going to Traumatize anyone by going into details of the actual procedure  and the birth! That’s not what this entry is about ! But in the next Blog i will divulge more, i just wanna ease you lot in!!

I left the Labour ward about 6pm i think! and went home to my sons! It was all over ! I was in pieces, My husband was in bits, we didn’t talk on that drive home, its funny because i did make him phone me a Chinese and i ordered everything  as from 4 to 13 weeks i was spewing my guts up everyday, all day long, I was bloody starving!! 

I couldn’t even look at my 3 little boys! I ate my dinner in bed crying and i stayed there.. Thankfully my husband took the week off work. We grieved together, we talked, we got on with life! My boys had school, we had a dog to walk,  we had to feed the boys, do there homework with them etc etc…

Now last Fast Forward I promise!! A year later i decided to start a petition to  get dedicated Miscarriage units in Hospitals. YUP! I did!! My petition has now been going 11 Months!

Thanks for reading !  I hope you stayed and read to the end and weren’t bored, or more importantly triggered! I would never want that! Im here to support you and Listen to you!

*Tight Squeezy Virtual Hug*

Lou xXx

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